The title kind of rhymes if you read it right (with each number separately). I worked on it a long time (not really!) and I wanted you to notice. Also, this is going to be a long one, so brace yourselves.
If an hour ago, you had asked what sort of year 2012 has been, I would have said "pretty good." But after reliving the year's memories over my twitter feed, I can confidently say that this is by far the best year of my life (as of yet, fingers crossed for even better things to come!). That's not to say that this year didn't have it downs. This year probably holds my deepest valleys (hardest struggles, biggest hurdles etc.), but it also holds the most growth and the sweetest memories.
So much has happened: I finally went through puberty (Yay boobs!), I had the best summer ever, People came into my life, People left my life, I was surprised right and left by the complexity of all my friendships, I moved out, I started a new life, I figured out how to express myself and most of all, I didn't die.
Looking back on my first blog post (It was in January, how perfect) it feels so far away. I was struggling with what college to go to, and had been struck with the realization of how my words affect people. While I haven't exactly mastered it yet, I've definitely grown a lot in the way I relate with others. As in, I can actually relate with others now. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos I found my emotions. We have a kind of love/hate relationship, but I guess I see why they're important. (sometimes)
This was my best summer ever. I've developed quite the sense of adventure thanks to some of my friends (cough Val, Rover cough). Like yea, I could just sit on the couch and we could have fun and watch a movie....or we could go get pulled over trying to buy ice cream, or go hiking in the dark or go kiss a stranger in the mall. The important thing is to go and try to do something. You don't always succeed, but who the heck cares? You had an adventure and often that's even better than accomplishing your goal.
I probably spent most of my summer with my church. Jr. High camp where I got to be a co-counselor with one of my greatest friends and heterosexual life partner (HLP), Aaryn...we were awesome together and shared some amazing conversations with our cabin (who was full of pretty cool girls btws). We told an awful lot of fibs about the bugs in our cabin, allegedly kidnapped a full grown man, were punished with whipped cream in the face (quite possibly the worst thing I have ever experienced, you don't understand), were hunted by Jr. Highers and got to share some of our "wisdom" with our cabin. The best gem was when we were talking about friendship and Aaryn said "A friend is someone who is willing to jump any hurdle for you." This year I jumped a lot of hurdles, and watched my friends do the same for me.
There were days of playing Frisbee, watching Joe and Martin quote Psych for hours straight, downtown Tacoma with Aaryn, chilling with Jenn, Taylor, Emily and Val and oh yea, I worked too. And then there was Voyage...60 high school students, 3 boats, and an awful lot of free time and sunshine. I watched my youth pastors do/say the funniest things (story time and raps, you guys are the best), I learned speed uno, there was the guy that crashed our worship service with his Eminem, about a million games of Settlers and so much talking. I have to be honest, I was a little bummed when I first learned that we wouldn't be going to CIY for my senior year, but I can't imagine anything better than the time I spent on those boats. T.H.E. B.E.S.T.
But this summer, I also found out that sometimes people are brought into your life, but they aren't always meant to stay. Sometimes they have to move geographically and sometimes you just need to let them go. God definitely brought some people into my life this year, and then within a few months it was time to say good bye. Either they were leaving or I was, and I had some really terrible good byes. My best friend of 4 years was leaving me for Minnesota. My favorite interns were headed back to Missouri. Everyone I knew was scattering, myself included. Some ties just needed to be cut. They were a constant source of pain, but I wasn't ready to let go, then at some point I just had to. I couldn't handle it anymore. I guess that's what growing up is like. All summers must come to an end.
I couldn't be happier than I am at UW. My classy roommate (Claire-Bear) and Poplar 4 fam (You know who you are) have really made the transition so much better than I could have hoped. I love how much I have to think. It's been a long time since my brain has had to work like that and it's completely refreshing. I've never struggled to still feel dumb before, but I'm so thankful to be learning alongside all the gifted, intelligent people I find myself in contact with on a daily basis. Do you know what it's like to come to a class where everyone has done the reading and is prepared to discuss?? Neither had I until I came to UW. There is so much exploring and so much fun to be had in the city. I love that place so freaking much. So many memories already made with many more to come! (Shout out to the Ave House boys for being the best ever. :))
One of my biggest struggles this year has been seeing how relationships change. How you view someone, may not always be how they view you...and when their view of you changes, it can send your whole world spinning. I guess it's important to remember that things aren't always as they seem. I find myself more confused by people than ever before. You think a person is one way and your relationship is one way and then they surprise you. Every time. I will never cease to be astonished at how complex people are. Everyone has so many sides, so many unique struggles and problems that I can't possibly imagine. Blows my mind every time....
Anyways, looking ahead to 2013!
I'm not making resolutions. I'm just not. (Ok maybe these are kind of resolutions, but they're broad so I'm not counting it. If you don't like it, you can sue me.)
I want to make the most of this year. This year should be about stretching and doing scary things and getting out of the teeny tiny box that is my comfort zone. It's about learning and understanding and doing. It's about being me. Even when that is the scariest thing I've ever done. I want to be more honest this year and more up front. No more compromising myself. Not for anyone.
I love you guys. Thanks for the awesome year. Can't wait to see you all in 2013!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Well hello...again.
After a long 2-month absence from this blog, I am back. I was thinking about why I haven't blogged whilst at school and I was thinking of exactly why I haven't....Lack of time? Yea, but no, I've been busy, but not that busy. Did I die? Almost. What I really think it comes down to though, is the fact that I don't have a car at school. I always have come up with my best ideas for blogs and videos while driving, and now that I never drive, I seriously lack inspiration. But the good news is, I'm back for winter break...license and all.
My first semester at college while seemingly uneventful, taught me a whole lot of things:
1. Being an adult is a lot of a work:
I'm responsible for making sure my tuition gets paid, that speeding tickets from the summer get taken care of (oops), that my work tells the union that I stopped working in September (double oops)...and that's just the beginning. I've taken on a whole list of household tasks. Some I expected: I was already doing my laundry, I knew I'd have dishes, I knew I'd have to vacuum and dust. What I didn't count on was vacuuming at least once a week, the problems with plumbing when 2 girls are losing all their hair (more on hair loss later), and how much I don't have the things I need to cook a meal.
The plumbing story is a good one. Our sink drain was getting really gross. The stopper was surrounded by a gross mass of hair, food particles and miscellaneous other things that would no longer go down the clogged sink. One day I couldn't take it anymore, so I googled how to remove the plug and crawled under the sink to do so. I cleaned everything out that I could reach (It was soooo gross, luckily I was just getting over a cold and I couldn't smell it. But it was really gross...like I almost puked gross. And I have done a lot of gross things in my time with horses, so it was really bad.). So I got it cleaned and figured that I was good. Then, in the process of messing with the sink, I thought it was leaking, so we called an emergency work order and I cleared everything out....turns out, I'm just a little stupid. You know that hole sometimes in the front top part of a porcelain sink? Yea, water had just splashed out of that and ran down the pipe. Oops. Well at least our sink wasn't leaking!
2. College is stressful:
I like stress. I always have. But I was not prepared for the strain that I would undergo this quarter. I'm actually losing my hair now. Every time I shower, I pull out chunks of hair and I don't know why. It's never happened before and it's freaking me out. The first half the quarter I was doing really well. I was balancing everything: schoolwork, adventures, working out, hanging out. And then it caught up with me. I wasn't getting enough sleep, the work was getting harder and I just wasn't prepared. Midterms kind of stretched themselves from mid-quarter all the way up to finals week, so that was fun. But I made it! And I never have to take calculus again!!! So I'm good now. Ready for next quarter!
3. Keep an Open Mind
You never know where you are going to end up wanting to go. Majors change, post graduation plans change and you have to be ready to roll with punches. I'd hate to close a door now, assuming I won't want to go through it, and then fast forward to a place where all I want is to go through that door I closed for myself. It's about keeping an open mind for the places you can go.
It's also about the people you meet. Moving to such a big city, I've met a lot of different people who I never got the opportunity to meet back at home. And it's awesome. The variety I get to have in my group of friends is amazing. I'm honestly really excited about it. Which is funny, because I'm not really a people person. I don't know, it's just been pretty cool putting myself in new situations and seeing if I can handle them like an adult. And it's ok to mess up, because everyone does and college is a great place to figure things out.
No one knows where I come from. No one knows my family, no one knows my background and it's refreshing, but it's also a little exhausting. Having to represent yourself to each and every person kind of means you have to know who you are and what representing you looks like. It's like a crash course in being yourself. What you get to show other people is like a sleek, streamlined edition of you. They don't have to know all of the baggage that went into getting you where you are today, all they see is the (semi) finished product.
And that's strange.
My first semester at college while seemingly uneventful, taught me a whole lot of things:
1. Being an adult is a lot of a work:
I'm responsible for making sure my tuition gets paid, that speeding tickets from the summer get taken care of (oops), that my work tells the union that I stopped working in September (double oops)...and that's just the beginning. I've taken on a whole list of household tasks. Some I expected: I was already doing my laundry, I knew I'd have dishes, I knew I'd have to vacuum and dust. What I didn't count on was vacuuming at least once a week, the problems with plumbing when 2 girls are losing all their hair (more on hair loss later), and how much I don't have the things I need to cook a meal.
The plumbing story is a good one. Our sink drain was getting really gross. The stopper was surrounded by a gross mass of hair, food particles and miscellaneous other things that would no longer go down the clogged sink. One day I couldn't take it anymore, so I googled how to remove the plug and crawled under the sink to do so. I cleaned everything out that I could reach (It was soooo gross, luckily I was just getting over a cold and I couldn't smell it. But it was really gross...like I almost puked gross. And I have done a lot of gross things in my time with horses, so it was really bad.). So I got it cleaned and figured that I was good. Then, in the process of messing with the sink, I thought it was leaking, so we called an emergency work order and I cleared everything out....turns out, I'm just a little stupid. You know that hole sometimes in the front top part of a porcelain sink? Yea, water had just splashed out of that and ran down the pipe. Oops. Well at least our sink wasn't leaking!
2. College is stressful:
I like stress. I always have. But I was not prepared for the strain that I would undergo this quarter. I'm actually losing my hair now. Every time I shower, I pull out chunks of hair and I don't know why. It's never happened before and it's freaking me out. The first half the quarter I was doing really well. I was balancing everything: schoolwork, adventures, working out, hanging out. And then it caught up with me. I wasn't getting enough sleep, the work was getting harder and I just wasn't prepared. Midterms kind of stretched themselves from mid-quarter all the way up to finals week, so that was fun. But I made it! And I never have to take calculus again!!! So I'm good now. Ready for next quarter!
3. Keep an Open Mind
You never know where you are going to end up wanting to go. Majors change, post graduation plans change and you have to be ready to roll with punches. I'd hate to close a door now, assuming I won't want to go through it, and then fast forward to a place where all I want is to go through that door I closed for myself. It's about keeping an open mind for the places you can go.
It's also about the people you meet. Moving to such a big city, I've met a lot of different people who I never got the opportunity to meet back at home. And it's awesome. The variety I get to have in my group of friends is amazing. I'm honestly really excited about it. Which is funny, because I'm not really a people person. I don't know, it's just been pretty cool putting myself in new situations and seeing if I can handle them like an adult. And it's ok to mess up, because everyone does and college is a great place to figure things out.
No one knows where I come from. No one knows my family, no one knows my background and it's refreshing, but it's also a little exhausting. Having to represent yourself to each and every person kind of means you have to know who you are and what representing you looks like. It's like a crash course in being yourself. What you get to show other people is like a sleek, streamlined edition of you. They don't have to know all of the baggage that went into getting you where you are today, all they see is the (semi) finished product.
And that's strange.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Late nights & mostly just calculus
Well, I haven't had any communication with you guys since I got up here to college and I thought I'd shoot you a blog to let you know just how I'm doing now.
UW is honestly better than I could have imagined it. It's fun, the people are great, I'm tired all the time but it's ok because I'm surrounded by so much coffee. My floor is very fun and I just love everyone here so far. My roommate and I are getting way too close and personal in a way that can only occur when you are permanently living with someone. She's seriously so great.
Right now, I feel like I'm having an allergic reaction, but I don't know what to. I'm just really itchy and keep sneezing and my nose is plugged...so that's cool.
I failed my first college quiz the other day, because I honestly have no idea how to do limits and I am in a calculus class where you can't use calculators....yea.
Otherwise, I really like my other 2 classes: Intro to Law for Business and an honors society class called "Interpreting Difference." My law class is a 2 hour night lecture, but my teacher is a deputy prosecuting attorney in King County who's been teaching the class for 12 years, so he's really good. He makes it interesting. "Interpreting difference" is good, mostly just because I've never been in a class where I basically just have hour long discussions with 20 other highly intelligent people who want to do the reading and be in class and have intelligent things to say. It's pretty cool.
That's the update...I'm tired and all hopped up on Benadryl. Goodnight lovelies.
UW is honestly better than I could have imagined it. It's fun, the people are great, I'm tired all the time but it's ok because I'm surrounded by so much coffee. My floor is very fun and I just love everyone here so far. My roommate and I are getting way too close and personal in a way that can only occur when you are permanently living with someone. She's seriously so great.
Right now, I feel like I'm having an allergic reaction, but I don't know what to. I'm just really itchy and keep sneezing and my nose is plugged...so that's cool.
I failed my first college quiz the other day, because I honestly have no idea how to do limits and I am in a calculus class where you can't use calculators....yea.
Otherwise, I really like my other 2 classes: Intro to Law for Business and an honors society class called "Interpreting Difference." My law class is a 2 hour night lecture, but my teacher is a deputy prosecuting attorney in King County who's been teaching the class for 12 years, so he's really good. He makes it interesting. "Interpreting difference" is good, mostly just because I've never been in a class where I basically just have hour long discussions with 20 other highly intelligent people who want to do the reading and be in class and have intelligent things to say. It's pretty cool.
That's the update...I'm tired and all hopped up on Benadryl. Goodnight lovelies.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
L-O-V-E and I'll tell you what it means to me :) Jk not really.
So, on Sunday, I went with my friends Aaryn & Joe to visit the high school youth group at Foursquare. I don't want to be that person who makes a judgement on that whole congregation based on a few things and I'm not here to comment on how I felt about the service there...if you want to know you can ask, but that is not my purpose tonight.
What I will say, is that the sermon was on Love and had 3 basic points:
1. The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself.
2. You have to love yourself to love your neighbor.
3. You have to love God to love yourself.
And some people might disagree, but in a general sense I agree with these points. The first one is a no-brainer, I can show you if you want. The second one sounds a little funny. You have to love yourself to love your neighbor? Aren't Christian supposed to be selfless? Well I don't think he meant you had to love yourself and pamper yourself and have a super big ego to love others. If you think about it, it's impossible to be selfless if you aren't confident with who you are. Thinking of others before yourself doesn't mean you think you are scum or unimportant or anything, it's realizing what you want and what others want and putting their needs first. Which is hard to do unless you are secure in yourself as a person. And I think point number 2 is especially important in dating relationships. I've said it before (in this post from February http://greenlightgoredlightstop.blogspot.com/2012/02/valentines-day-and-my-exciting-weekend.html & my first vlog: Things I don't understand about girls) but I'll say it again, you can't be successful in a relationship unless you know who you are without the other person. If you depend on them for your identity, you won't ever be happy and you'll smother the crap out of them. So you have to "love" yourself in order to love them correctly.
And in order to really "love" yourself in the right way you have to love God. Because loving yourself doesn't really make sense unless you believe that you have a purpose and were created. If someone who doesn't believe in God loves themselves, it can only be egotistical. They love themselves because they are pretty, or artistic or good at sports etc. It comes from within them and is so shallow and surface. But we can love ourselves because we know God made us perfectly and loves us. It can be hard to love ourselves because we are constantly making mistakes and sometimes we may wish we were prettier or smarter or something. But in the light that God made us and has a plan for us, how can we not be happy with who we are? And as we grow closer to God, we can't help but see how he loves us and then we can't help but begin to love ourselves.
Anyways, I thought it was good so here are my thoughts :)
Love you guys!
What I will say, is that the sermon was on Love and had 3 basic points:
1. The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself.
2. You have to love yourself to love your neighbor.
3. You have to love God to love yourself.
And some people might disagree, but in a general sense I agree with these points. The first one is a no-brainer, I can show you if you want. The second one sounds a little funny. You have to love yourself to love your neighbor? Aren't Christian supposed to be selfless? Well I don't think he meant you had to love yourself and pamper yourself and have a super big ego to love others. If you think about it, it's impossible to be selfless if you aren't confident with who you are. Thinking of others before yourself doesn't mean you think you are scum or unimportant or anything, it's realizing what you want and what others want and putting their needs first. Which is hard to do unless you are secure in yourself as a person. And I think point number 2 is especially important in dating relationships. I've said it before (in this post from February http://greenlightgoredlightstop.blogspot.com/2012/02/valentines-day-and-my-exciting-weekend.html & my first vlog: Things I don't understand about girls) but I'll say it again, you can't be successful in a relationship unless you know who you are without the other person. If you depend on them for your identity, you won't ever be happy and you'll smother the crap out of them. So you have to "love" yourself in order to love them correctly.
And in order to really "love" yourself in the right way you have to love God. Because loving yourself doesn't really make sense unless you believe that you have a purpose and were created. If someone who doesn't believe in God loves themselves, it can only be egotistical. They love themselves because they are pretty, or artistic or good at sports etc. It comes from within them and is so shallow and surface. But we can love ourselves because we know God made us perfectly and loves us. It can be hard to love ourselves because we are constantly making mistakes and sometimes we may wish we were prettier or smarter or something. But in the light that God made us and has a plan for us, how can we not be happy with who we are? And as we grow closer to God, we can't help but see how he loves us and then we can't help but begin to love ourselves.
Anyways, I thought it was good so here are my thoughts :)
Love you guys!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Always Moving Forward.
We can't stop it. Things are always changing around us and my current situation is just one where I find an abnormally large amount of change. It hit me last night when I was saying goodbye to our summer youth interns, "I may never see these people again." It's weird to me to realize that the friends I have now probably won't be playing an active part in my life a year from now. It makes me kind of sad to think that I could possibly lose some of the friends I have right now. It hit me like a wave that my life has reached a tipping point. I feel like college is somehow the big separator between your childhood and your adult life and very few people (other than those related to you) make it through.
I mean, I'm overreacting a little bit, but then again, I know myself. I suck at keeping in touch. Like Skype makes it a little easier, but I've figured out that my love language is quality time and so I have to work really hard to maintain a relationship with someone I never see. If I felt that bad after saying goodbye to an intern that I've know for 3 months (albeit he's a fantastic intern & possibly one of my favorite people ever), how am I going to send off my best friend of 5 years to Minnesota? I was not expecting to have this kind of emotional reaction. Like it's so strange to me that this would happen. I've had friends drift away before, but it was never like "Hey I'm moving." It was more of a gradual thing.
I still have over a month before I move up to Seattle, so I'm not freaking out about my transition to college just yet, but I am nervous. Being in situations where I know no one have never been my strong suit. I turn shy and can't find things to say. But more on that later!
I've never wanted so hard to keep relationships like the ones I have now, but to all my friends reading this, you have gotta put in the effort too.
I mean, I'm overreacting a little bit, but then again, I know myself. I suck at keeping in touch. Like Skype makes it a little easier, but I've figured out that my love language is quality time and so I have to work really hard to maintain a relationship with someone I never see. If I felt that bad after saying goodbye to an intern that I've know for 3 months (albeit he's a fantastic intern & possibly one of my favorite people ever), how am I going to send off my best friend of 5 years to Minnesota? I was not expecting to have this kind of emotional reaction. Like it's so strange to me that this would happen. I've had friends drift away before, but it was never like "Hey I'm moving." It was more of a gradual thing.
I still have over a month before I move up to Seattle, so I'm not freaking out about my transition to college just yet, but I am nervous. Being in situations where I know no one have never been my strong suit. I turn shy and can't find things to say. But more on that later!
I've never wanted so hard to keep relationships like the ones I have now, but to all my friends reading this, you have gotta put in the effort too.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Innocence Part 2.
Hey guys,
Remember that post I did on innocence a while back? You know...this one?? http://greenlightgoredlightstop.blogspot.com/2012/01/apologetic-innocence.html
Well, I have some new thoughts...
Innocence sucks. It doesn't prepare you for what lies ahead of you; because we don't live in a world that is innocent, we live in a broken, messed-up world that is full of sin. Unless we recognize that we are broken, and that sin exists, we will never be ready to join the Kingdom that we are called to.
So I've been reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers (It's a day-by-day devotional thing. I recommend it, I really enjoy it.) and today's entry is about "Reconciling one's Self to the Fact of Sin." A lot of times you see Christians who want to avoid the sin issue. They treat sin like it's a four letter word. Like we shouldn't talk about it because people might get offended or it might make people uncomfortable, but if there's anything I learned at my church, it's that you ought to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. So anyways, my dear Oswald Chambers was talking about how if you refuse to recognize that people are pretty much selfish and spiteful and awful, you won't be ready when life hits you and they will drag you into that stream of thought because you haven't done any defense against it.
But if you can reconcile yourself with the thought of sin, you will be ready to take it on. So if you are innocent and kind of laissez faire about the whole "humans are evil" issue, prepare to be taken down. When I think of an innocent person, I almost always think of a child. They have no idea why running around naked is unacceptable, they will put anything in their mouths (ignoring the existence of germs & viruses) and they never ever stop to think about finishing the last cookie. They exist in a world where harm cannot befall them, until it does and then they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with it.
God did not make us to stay "innocent" our whole lives: running through life with blinders on, oblivious to all the pits and snares around us...he made us to be smart. He gave us special "trap spotting goggles" to wear. He trained us how to deal with snares that we find all around us. So we can disregard what he has given us and try to deny the existence of the deep dark pits of selfishness, greed, immorality, and temptation we are surrounded by, or we can buck up and survive this like the freaking zombie apocalypse everyone always talks about!
What's it going to be?
Remember that post I did on innocence a while back? You know...this one?? http://greenlightgoredlightstop.blogspot.com/2012/01/apologetic-innocence.html
Well, I have some new thoughts...
Innocence sucks. It doesn't prepare you for what lies ahead of you; because we don't live in a world that is innocent, we live in a broken, messed-up world that is full of sin. Unless we recognize that we are broken, and that sin exists, we will never be ready to join the Kingdom that we are called to.
So I've been reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers (It's a day-by-day devotional thing. I recommend it, I really enjoy it.) and today's entry is about "Reconciling one's Self to the Fact of Sin." A lot of times you see Christians who want to avoid the sin issue. They treat sin like it's a four letter word. Like we shouldn't talk about it because people might get offended or it might make people uncomfortable, but if there's anything I learned at my church, it's that you ought to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. So anyways, my dear Oswald Chambers was talking about how if you refuse to recognize that people are pretty much selfish and spiteful and awful, you won't be ready when life hits you and they will drag you into that stream of thought because you haven't done any defense against it.
But if you can reconcile yourself with the thought of sin, you will be ready to take it on. So if you are innocent and kind of laissez faire about the whole "humans are evil" issue, prepare to be taken down. When I think of an innocent person, I almost always think of a child. They have no idea why running around naked is unacceptable, they will put anything in their mouths (ignoring the existence of germs & viruses) and they never ever stop to think about finishing the last cookie. They exist in a world where harm cannot befall them, until it does and then they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with it.
God did not make us to stay "innocent" our whole lives: running through life with blinders on, oblivious to all the pits and snares around us...he made us to be smart. He gave us special "trap spotting goggles" to wear. He trained us how to deal with snares that we find all around us. So we can disregard what he has given us and try to deny the existence of the deep dark pits of selfishness, greed, immorality, and temptation we are surrounded by, or we can buck up and survive this like the freaking zombie apocalypse everyone always talks about!
What's it going to be?
Monday, May 28, 2012
#16. Photobomb & Taking the Road Less traveled
So I crossed number 16 off my Summer Bucket List - Photobomb. There's not really a cool story, I am just now in the background of an Asian family's photo at Mount Rainier. Yay!!
Down to business though....
It's a struggle to be a Christian. There's a part of me that wants to live so differently and uniquely than the world around me and another part of me that just wants to fit in. I want to do all those things that the world does. And it's not like I wouldn't be a Christian if I did those things, I just want to live in the way that God would want me to. (If this makes no sense and you want me to explain it better, just ask.)
People say stuff to me like, "Well, why don't you do it? It's not going to hurt anything." or "If it feels good, go for it." (Yes, people say these things.) I think that's a terrible way to live. To me that type of living seems like it could only spiral downhill and out of control. Like, that's a ridiculous philosophy and it's one that dates back to the Epicureans in Ancient Rome. (Probably before that, I don't know my history very well.) The way I look at it, even outside of the repercussions of that kind of pleasure seeking behavior, you're missing out on so much.
So, Saturday I went hiking at Paradise in Mt. Rainier and it's obviously covered in knee high snow still. The guys decided they wanted to climb to the very top of this freaking ridiculous ridge and I was just thinking that there was no way I was going to go up that. So I sat at the bottom for a bit with my other female comrade and we just kind of watched the boys trek their way up and disappear over the ridge. When they didn't come back for a while we decided we had better go find them, so we hauled ourselves up the snow laden mountain and found the boys just chillin...I don't know what they were doing. Then it was time to find our way down and we decided to go down the other side. We started making our way slowly down, and then of course the guys started careening down as fast as they could. They were running and jumping like general hooligans before they started slipping and sliding down on their butts. It was so much fun to slide down that hill. And I never would have gotten to if I wasn't forced to make that climb.
A hard climb can yield unexpected results. It's so worth it to just hang in there no matter how hard it may be. I know that if I stand for my convictions now, it will lead to a better future for me. Not just because of the risks I'm not taking, but because of the way it is preparing me for my future career, my future husband, and the future me.
Down to business though....
It's a struggle to be a Christian. There's a part of me that wants to live so differently and uniquely than the world around me and another part of me that just wants to fit in. I want to do all those things that the world does. And it's not like I wouldn't be a Christian if I did those things, I just want to live in the way that God would want me to. (If this makes no sense and you want me to explain it better, just ask.)
People say stuff to me like, "Well, why don't you do it? It's not going to hurt anything." or "If it feels good, go for it." (Yes, people say these things.) I think that's a terrible way to live. To me that type of living seems like it could only spiral downhill and out of control. Like, that's a ridiculous philosophy and it's one that dates back to the Epicureans in Ancient Rome. (Probably before that, I don't know my history very well.) The way I look at it, even outside of the repercussions of that kind of pleasure seeking behavior, you're missing out on so much.
So, Saturday I went hiking at Paradise in Mt. Rainier and it's obviously covered in knee high snow still. The guys decided they wanted to climb to the very top of this freaking ridiculous ridge and I was just thinking that there was no way I was going to go up that. So I sat at the bottom for a bit with my other female comrade and we just kind of watched the boys trek their way up and disappear over the ridge. When they didn't come back for a while we decided we had better go find them, so we hauled ourselves up the snow laden mountain and found the boys just chillin...I don't know what they were doing. Then it was time to find our way down and we decided to go down the other side. We started making our way slowly down, and then of course the guys started careening down as fast as they could. They were running and jumping like general hooligans before they started slipping and sliding down on their butts. It was so much fun to slide down that hill. And I never would have gotten to if I wasn't forced to make that climb.
A hard climb can yield unexpected results. It's so worth it to just hang in there no matter how hard it may be. I know that if I stand for my convictions now, it will lead to a better future for me. Not just because of the risks I'm not taking, but because of the way it is preparing me for my future career, my future husband, and the future me.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Grace
You know what Christians suck at? Giving grace and love. Isn't that exactly what our faith is centered around? And yet, we are notoriously some of the most judgmental people. Others don't want to confide in us, for fear we will judge their every decision and look down from our clouds with our harps and halos and condemn them to eternal damnation. Because admit it, you've met those Christians that make you feel like that. And it's tough...heaven knows I'm not one of the most grace-filled, gentle souls out there. It's def something I should work on.
What I don't understand is how we assign different "values" to sins? Why does the church's realm of grace extend to the people who cuss or get sloppy drunk, but it doesn't cover teen pregnancies, and it especially doesn't cover homosexuals? I'm pretty sure the 2nd verse I ever learned was Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." That verse says freaking all. If the worst thing you've ever done is dropped an F-Bomb....you're still a freaking sinner. You're still not getting to heaven on your own.
Nobody's perfect. In John 8, the pharisees bring Jesus an adulterous woman, to try and catch him tripping up. He tells them to stone her according to the law, but "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." As you can imagine, that shut them up real quick. I think that story could be replaced with any sinner: A glutton, a homosexual, a drunk, a pot head...whatever you want. So who are we to cast judgement on them? If Jesus didn't how in the world can we?? What Jesus does tell the woman, is to leave her life of sin. So, I'm pretty sure that's all I should do.
Jesus loved THAT woman. And we should love THOSE people too. Especially since, at one time or another, we are all THOSE people.
Thoughts??
What I don't understand is how we assign different "values" to sins? Why does the church's realm of grace extend to the people who cuss or get sloppy drunk, but it doesn't cover teen pregnancies, and it especially doesn't cover homosexuals? I'm pretty sure the 2nd verse I ever learned was Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." That verse says freaking all. If the worst thing you've ever done is dropped an F-Bomb....you're still a freaking sinner. You're still not getting to heaven on your own.
Nobody's perfect. In John 8, the pharisees bring Jesus an adulterous woman, to try and catch him tripping up. He tells them to stone her according to the law, but "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." As you can imagine, that shut them up real quick. I think that story could be replaced with any sinner: A glutton, a homosexual, a drunk, a pot head...whatever you want. So who are we to cast judgement on them? If Jesus didn't how in the world can we?? What Jesus does tell the woman, is to leave her life of sin. So, I'm pretty sure that's all I should do.
Jesus loved THAT woman. And we should love THOSE people too. Especially since, at one time or another, we are all THOSE people.
Thoughts??
Monday, March 12, 2012
Rules of the Road
You. Yea, you...that guy/girl who pulls up first to a light. You are personally responsible for how the remainder of my day will go. Yes, I know you are in front, and you will definitely make this light and you can afford to take your sweet time about it, but I'm about 10 cars back and I'd really like to NOT sit through 2 light cycles. So if you could hurry it up a little bit, and push a little harder on that right pedal I like to call the gas... we'll get along just fine.
There should be a freaking contract.
"I solemnly swear to do my very, very best to not prevent drivers behind me from making the light. Even if that means my car might make it up to 35 in this 1 block stretch, I trust my car will not spontaneously combust, and that my head will not explode from the force of all the speed I am accumulating so quickly."
Yes, I realize I could leave my house earlier and not have such a stressful morning drive every day. I really could, but I don't want to. I shouldn't have to. People should drive like they are actually going someplace and aren't about for a morning jaunt at 7 a.m. Just because you aren't running late today doesn't mean that all of us behind you didn't sleep through our alarms.
If you want to get to work that slowly, get a freaking bike.
There should be a freaking contract.
"I solemnly swear to do my very, very best to not prevent drivers behind me from making the light. Even if that means my car might make it up to 35 in this 1 block stretch, I trust my car will not spontaneously combust, and that my head will not explode from the force of all the speed I am accumulating so quickly."
Yes, I realize I could leave my house earlier and not have such a stressful morning drive every day. I really could, but I don't want to. I shouldn't have to. People should drive like they are actually going someplace and aren't about for a morning jaunt at 7 a.m. Just because you aren't running late today doesn't mean that all of us behind you didn't sleep through our alarms.
If you want to get to work that slowly, get a freaking bike.
Friday, March 9, 2012
What's up with that?!
What's up with colleges taking as many as 4 months to get back to me?
I mean seriously, UW stops accepting applications December 1st and they are still one of the last schools to send out their decision. They don't offer early action or any way to prevent such a late notification. It drives me crazy that I am seriously going to have one month to decide what school I will be attending in the fall. Yes, I could be thinking about it now, I realize that. But I don't want to peg a school as my definite top choice and then not get in. Plus I don't have any clue what sort of aid I might be receiving, so yea, I'm kind of stuck.
What's up with hipsters?
(I believe this needs no explanation.)
What's up with me having to remember like 15,000 different username/password combinations for all the accounts I have now for every scholarship/school/email/website? Some of them have super specific specifications for passwords so I basically have to create a custom one for that site and then I can absolutely never remember it. My mind is like, "what the heck?"
What's up with all the judgement?
People judge all the time (me included) and I'm just wondering why it is such an integral part of human nature? What part of us compels us to compare ourselves with everyone around? We're not them, they aren't us. It doesn't mean anybody is better than somebody else. Especially as Christians...we are called to love, not condemn. How effective would Jesus have been if he had accentuated his ministry with petty little remarks? I think that when Christians can really focus on something important and bigger than themselves, only then can they let go of the judgement. After all, Jesus didn't look down from the cross and think, "Well at least I have a better hairline than that guy."
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Perspective
It's all about how you choose to look at life.
My absolute pet peeves include, but are not limited to:
-Food play by plays on Twitter
-Why can no one walk in a freaking hallway?? This is America, walk on the right. Then we won't have this awkward moment where I can't get by you. I just want to go to class without walking into your chest accidentally. Is that too much to ask?
-Can we decide as a population proper protocol for when you run across someone you barely knew a long time ago? Like I had a class with them, fall quarter of last year...should I smile and wave every time I see them? Is that creepy and over eager? Sometimes I swear I'm the only one who over analyzes my actions this much.
-Last, but not least, your time is NOT more important than mine. Do not act like I have all day to wait for you. Do not act like I don't have a billion things to do. I know I will probably waste much of that time when I get home, but the difference is that I will be wasting MY OWN time. I try to be considerate of other people's time and I know that sometimes I fail. Life happens, but when someone does me a freaking favor, I am going to try and do my best to make it as little of an imposition as possible...not take advantage of their charitableness.
It's all about how you choose to look at life. I tend to look at it in a way where I do not want to ruin anyone else's day. I'm easily pressured by drivers behind me in traffic and I worry about how the choices I make affect others. This is very different than other people I know. They are equally as good of people, if not significantly better, but they believe they have this right to pull out in traffic and drive slow. It's not that they are inconsiderate or rude, they just somehow think they have an innate right to pull out in front of that other car. I don't understand how this works.
Or another example, my older brother used to frequently think his time was more important than that of the 4 other people in our family. I swear, at least 1 night a week, he would wait until mom called us for dinner and then go to the bathroom. Every time. Like why? You want us to wait for you, starving, in front of hot food?? Is this some kind of power trip? Does it give you joy to manipulate us?? Like what type of person does this?
But it's all about how you look at yourself in relation to the world. I guess I don't think I'm all that important, but I'm ok with that. Other people's time will always be more important than mine to me. Recently, I have gained so more perspective and I'm starting to get more of a balance so that people can't just walk all over me, but still...It's so weird to me when I realize these simple things I should have realized before, but didn't.
My absolute pet peeves include, but are not limited to:
-Food play by plays on Twitter
-Why can no one walk in a freaking hallway?? This is America, walk on the right. Then we won't have this awkward moment where I can't get by you. I just want to go to class without walking into your chest accidentally. Is that too much to ask?
-Can we decide as a population proper protocol for when you run across someone you barely knew a long time ago? Like I had a class with them, fall quarter of last year...should I smile and wave every time I see them? Is that creepy and over eager? Sometimes I swear I'm the only one who over analyzes my actions this much.
-Last, but not least, your time is NOT more important than mine. Do not act like I have all day to wait for you. Do not act like I don't have a billion things to do. I know I will probably waste much of that time when I get home, but the difference is that I will be wasting MY OWN time. I try to be considerate of other people's time and I know that sometimes I fail. Life happens, but when someone does me a freaking favor, I am going to try and do my best to make it as little of an imposition as possible...not take advantage of their charitableness.
It's all about how you choose to look at life. I tend to look at it in a way where I do not want to ruin anyone else's day. I'm easily pressured by drivers behind me in traffic and I worry about how the choices I make affect others. This is very different than other people I know. They are equally as good of people, if not significantly better, but they believe they have this right to pull out in traffic and drive slow. It's not that they are inconsiderate or rude, they just somehow think they have an innate right to pull out in front of that other car. I don't understand how this works.
Or another example, my older brother used to frequently think his time was more important than that of the 4 other people in our family. I swear, at least 1 night a week, he would wait until mom called us for dinner and then go to the bathroom. Every time. Like why? You want us to wait for you, starving, in front of hot food?? Is this some kind of power trip? Does it give you joy to manipulate us?? Like what type of person does this?
But it's all about how you look at yourself in relation to the world. I guess I don't think I'm all that important, but I'm ok with that. Other people's time will always be more important than mine to me. Recently, I have gained so more perspective and I'm starting to get more of a balance so that people can't just walk all over me, but still...It's so weird to me when I realize these simple things I should have realized before, but didn't.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I ain't ever gonna grow up...
When I was a kid, at my birthday parties, my parents would put on this rather awful puppet show in which they sang this song "I don't ever want to grow...no!" And it continued from there. ( Don't ask me why...I was 5, it seemed cool.) Well anyways, I was thinking about it and about how I am almost grown up. I'll be 18 in a little over 2 months. I'll be moving out next year, and I'm becoming more responsible for my own life. It's pretty crazy and I don't feel quite ready yet honestly.
Growing up is a strange phenomenon and it kills me to think that every decision I have made to this point has affected who I am today. The idea that every little decision I make actually has an impact on the general direction and focus of my life is incredible...and incredibly stressful. I don't know how people who don't believe in a higher power can do it. Knowing that God has my back and is watching over me is the only thing that keeps me sane enough to function.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you joy and a future." is my mantra these days. I'm just glad as I make decisions he is there to guide me and help me out.
I love you all and will miss you dearly when I leave :)
Growing up is a strange phenomenon and it kills me to think that every decision I have made to this point has affected who I am today. The idea that every little decision I make actually has an impact on the general direction and focus of my life is incredible...and incredibly stressful. I don't know how people who don't believe in a higher power can do it. Knowing that God has my back and is watching over me is the only thing that keeps me sane enough to function.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you joy and a future." is my mantra these days. I'm just glad as I make decisions he is there to guide me and help me out.
I love you all and will miss you dearly when I leave :)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wheaton
Wheaton College was pretty fantastic. I really hope I get in and they offer me lots of aid so I can go there. The campus was beautiful, all brick. Not quite as pretty as UChicago, but still great. It's fairly good sized, I didn't get to meet any students, but they look relatively normal. Downtown Wheaton is pretty legit and the proximity to Chicago is great. I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch, but I'd absolutely love to go there.
Now I'm at the airport getting ready to head back home to all of you and I'm pretty excited to get home. I just paid like $5 for wi-fi because I realized I had to email my teacher today. Airports that don't offer free wi-fi are stupid :/ But anyways, I decided to blog to make it worth my while. After this my blogs will return to their normal more intellectual selves, sorry about making this my trip log for a few days. Don't stop reading them though!!! I swear, I'll go back to being witty.
I'm so ridiculously excited to get home. And sleep. I have a ridiculous amount to get done this week...ohhhh dear.
Now I'm at the airport getting ready to head back home to all of you and I'm pretty excited to get home. I just paid like $5 for wi-fi because I realized I had to email my teacher today. Airports that don't offer free wi-fi are stupid :/ But anyways, I decided to blog to make it worth my while. After this my blogs will return to their normal more intellectual selves, sorry about making this my trip log for a few days. Don't stop reading them though!!! I swear, I'll go back to being witty.
I'm so ridiculously excited to get home. And sleep. I have a ridiculous amount to get done this week...ohhhh dear.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Grace College...and a little extra
Well, I'm BACK! On this blog, not in Washington. Currently I am residing in the basement of a lovely house about 20 miles out of Chicago. I have spent the last few days in Indiana visiting Grace College and Luke Karangelen and his lovely, lovely friends. I last wrote on Thursday night...here's the rundown of what has occurred since you last read:
Friday - Took the train from Chicago to South Bend before I got picked up by some Grace College representatives. The train was sketch, but the reps were nice! There was also a time change on this little train ride, about 10 minutes before I reached my destination, so that was confusing. I spent some time with Luke and his friends playing Rock Band in the girls lobby before I had to go to dinner. Luckily, Cheyenne and Kayla were my hosts and had cleaned their room fantastically for me. Dinner was good, then I skipped out on the "panel" for the competitors and went back and hung out with Luke, Aaron, and Kari. They are pretty freaking hilarious so it was fun. Then I stayed up until 2 AM with Kayla and Cheyenne in the room before I decided I needed to crash.
Saturday - Today was the competition, so I had to be at the room at like 9:15 to write my essay. But I really wanted to go get coffee first, so I did and then I may have been like 2 minutes late to the essay room, but oh well, they hadn't started yet. The essay was about how much Christians should be involved in society. Is it better to isolate ourselves, or should we just jump right in. I think I did fairly well. I wrote a lot. Then I hung out in the competitors room playing Apples to Apples until my interview which I think went well. We'll see. (Decisions are mailed out Friday!) Saturday I continued spending the day with Luke and Aaron and Kari and a lot of other people who were fun and nice. I love them all already. Then I stayed in the boys lobby until like 12 before heading back and crashing fairly soon after that.
Sunday was church and driving up to Chicago (another time change) with Cheyenne, Kayla, Hannah, and Leslie. We hung out at the Pier and walked around and met a homeless guy with a saxophone. It was fun. (See pictures on Facebook).
Everyone at Grace was so nice. Honestly, I came on this trip with UChicago being my top choice and Grace being kind of far down on the list, but I really think I could have a lot of fun at Grace and I'm going to have to consider it. But if I go to Grace I think I'm going to switch to an accounting major, because Luke already has all the books for it!!! I don't know...all I can do now is wait and pray.
Wheaton in the morning! I'm pretty excited because I think it might be the perfect middle ground between Uchicago and Grace. Which would kind of be perfect! Anyways, good night.
Friday - Took the train from Chicago to South Bend before I got picked up by some Grace College representatives. The train was sketch, but the reps were nice! There was also a time change on this little train ride, about 10 minutes before I reached my destination, so that was confusing. I spent some time with Luke and his friends playing Rock Band in the girls lobby before I had to go to dinner. Luckily, Cheyenne and Kayla were my hosts and had cleaned their room fantastically for me. Dinner was good, then I skipped out on the "panel" for the competitors and went back and hung out with Luke, Aaron, and Kari. They are pretty freaking hilarious so it was fun. Then I stayed up until 2 AM with Kayla and Cheyenne in the room before I decided I needed to crash.
Saturday - Today was the competition, so I had to be at the room at like 9:15 to write my essay. But I really wanted to go get coffee first, so I did and then I may have been like 2 minutes late to the essay room, but oh well, they hadn't started yet. The essay was about how much Christians should be involved in society. Is it better to isolate ourselves, or should we just jump right in. I think I did fairly well. I wrote a lot. Then I hung out in the competitors room playing Apples to Apples until my interview which I think went well. We'll see. (Decisions are mailed out Friday!) Saturday I continued spending the day with Luke and Aaron and Kari and a lot of other people who were fun and nice. I love them all already. Then I stayed in the boys lobby until like 12 before heading back and crashing fairly soon after that.
Sunday was church and driving up to Chicago (another time change) with Cheyenne, Kayla, Hannah, and Leslie. We hung out at the Pier and walked around and met a homeless guy with a saxophone. It was fun. (See pictures on Facebook).
Everyone at Grace was so nice. Honestly, I came on this trip with UChicago being my top choice and Grace being kind of far down on the list, but I really think I could have a lot of fun at Grace and I'm going to have to consider it. But if I go to Grace I think I'm going to switch to an accounting major, because Luke already has all the books for it!!! I don't know...all I can do now is wait and pray.
Wheaton in the morning! I'm pretty excited because I think it might be the perfect middle ground between Uchicago and Grace. Which would kind of be perfect! Anyways, good night.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Sometimes, you have to go with your gut.
Hi all,
I'm doing great if you were wondering. It was a beautiful day here in Indiana. This morning I awoke early to take the train down from Chicago to Grace College. Both of these are great schools and could prospectively be great places to attend. But neither of them have been like, "Wow, I love this place...I belong here." Maybe I won't feel it at any school I visit. Just gotta trust that God is going to let me know where he wants me. That's all for tonight I think, I'll let you go how the morning goes. I'm actually not nervous at all. I feel bad that I'm not nervous somehow.
I'm probably going to just pass out now....
I'm doing great if you were wondering. It was a beautiful day here in Indiana. This morning I awoke early to take the train down from Chicago to Grace College. Both of these are great schools and could prospectively be great places to attend. But neither of them have been like, "Wow, I love this place...I belong here." Maybe I won't feel it at any school I visit. Just gotta trust that God is going to let me know where he wants me. That's all for tonight I think, I'll let you go how the morning goes. I'm actually not nervous at all. I feel bad that I'm not nervous somehow.
I'm probably going to just pass out now....
Thursday, February 16, 2012
University of Chicago
This campus is gorgeous. That's seriously all there is to say. The dorm I'm staying in is a historical landmark and this campus connects the right amount of modern and antique. For example, today I sat in on an Introduction to Humanities class and they had speakers, a electronically controlled projector screen and a projector, but they still had blackboards at the end of the room. No whiteboards...but something about the sound of someone writing on a chalkboard makes me utterly content. The class was incredible, running on three hours of sleep I could barely grasp what he was talking about, but it was great. There were 15 students in the class, all sitting around a big table actually having a discussion. Apparently that's how many of the classes are here at UChicago.
Everywhere I walk I'm struck by how pretty it is here, pictures don't do it justice. It was beautiful today, sunny and about 45 degrees. The people here seem really nice too. The dorm I'm staying in is kind of the "nerdy" dorm, but they are all incredibly nice. The girl who I am staying with is like the nicest person ever so that's pretty chill. I got to meet a guy who is involved in and told me about the campus Christian clubs and he seemed really chill. When I first got here, I swear there were just hot hipster guys everywhere, but as the day wore on they seemed to disappear. I really like this school. I don't know if I can imagine myself in this particular dorm, but I can see myself at this particular school.
I went to an open mic night and it was super great too. So much talent at this school. I don't know if this is for sure where God is calling me, but I know I could grow a lot here. Off to Indiana tomorrow, let's keep that adventure going.
Everywhere I walk I'm struck by how pretty it is here, pictures don't do it justice. It was beautiful today, sunny and about 45 degrees. The people here seem really nice too. The dorm I'm staying in is kind of the "nerdy" dorm, but they are all incredibly nice. The girl who I am staying with is like the nicest person ever so that's pretty chill. I got to meet a guy who is involved in and told me about the campus Christian clubs and he seemed really chill. When I first got here, I swear there were just hot hipster guys everywhere, but as the day wore on they seemed to disappear. I really like this school. I don't know if I can imagine myself in this particular dorm, but I can see myself at this particular school.
I went to an open mic night and it was super great too. So much talent at this school. I don't know if this is for sure where God is calling me, but I know I could grow a lot here. Off to Indiana tomorrow, let's keep that adventure going.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day and my exciting weekend...
Happy Valentine's Day ya'll! I will not be wishing anybody a Happy Single's Awareness Day, because that is the most retarded thing ever. I don't know about you guys, but I'm aware I'm single every day! And it doesn't need an "awareness" day. It's not a disease, it's not like cancer or AIDS.
Don't reject singleness. I embrace every single moment I have of singleness. Think about your lifespan, think about how much of that the average person spends married....
This time of being single is such a short, short time...so why rush it? Just chill out and have some fun.
It's the only time I'll ever spend just finding out who I am. Until you are able to know and love yourself, how can anyone else truly know and love you? God's still working on me for sure and I'm happy to just go with the flow on this whole dating thing.
On a new note, tomorrow night I will be heading to Seatac Airport to board a plane to Chicago!! I will be spending Thursday evening at the University of Chicago, before heading down to Indiana to Grace College for the Presidential Scholarship competition on Friday. I stay Friday and Saturday night at Grace with my brother and his friends, then head back up to Chicago Sunday afternoon. Monday I plan to tour Wheaton before heading home. All in all, it's going to be a crazy/fun/informational/stressful weekend.
I will definitely be posting continuous updates on Facebook, I plan to blog nightly and I may even upload some videos, if you are all nice. So keep checking back!!
Well I need to get back to packing, love you guys.
Don't reject singleness. I embrace every single moment I have of singleness. Think about your lifespan, think about how much of that the average person spends married....
This time of being single is such a short, short time...so why rush it? Just chill out and have some fun.
It's the only time I'll ever spend just finding out who I am. Until you are able to know and love yourself, how can anyone else truly know and love you? God's still working on me for sure and I'm happy to just go with the flow on this whole dating thing.
On a new note, tomorrow night I will be heading to Seatac Airport to board a plane to Chicago!! I will be spending Thursday evening at the University of Chicago, before heading down to Indiana to Grace College for the Presidential Scholarship competition on Friday. I stay Friday and Saturday night at Grace with my brother and his friends, then head back up to Chicago Sunday afternoon. Monday I plan to tour Wheaton before heading home. All in all, it's going to be a crazy/fun/informational/stressful weekend.
I will definitely be posting continuous updates on Facebook, I plan to blog nightly and I may even upload some videos, if you are all nice. So keep checking back!!
Well I need to get back to packing, love you guys.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Stuff Girls Say
I haven't done a rant since my dating post (I know that wasn't that long ago, but roll with it). I'd just like to say....Girls, shut your mouths.
I do not want to hear you say things like "All guys are jerks" or "Where are all the nice guys?" Yes, many a guy will just as soon break your heart as eat a pie, but you absolutely cannot make generalizations about the male population as a whole. If you're going to get pissed when guys say, "Make me a sandwich" or objectify women, you have to
1. Stop making generalizations.
2. Stop putting yourself in a place to be objectified.
I have run across my own fair share of unsavory fellows. They aren't worth my time and they aren't worth the time you spend complaining about them. They can only get away with being jerks because girls respond to them and give them what they want anyways.
As for being objectified, stop complaining or start covering up. Those are your options. You can't put yourself out there to be looked at and then get mad when they look. Do the responsible thing and wear clothes that fit and cover your junk.
That's all I have for tonight.
Love you guys.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Dickens' Great Expectations
So, I finished Great Expectations. A little hurriedly, but I finished nonetheless. I first must say that I love Charles Dickens. The first part of the book made me feel like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!," but in the end he connected every little detail and I rather liked it. This book reminds me that what you think is happening, or what you think others are feeling, is probably not right, even if the evidence supports it.
Like it seemed obvious that Miss Havisham was Pip's benefactor, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. Pip thought that Miss Havisham had predestined him for Estella (I never really thought that, did anybody else?), when she really just wanted to break his simple little heart. I really would never have guessed who his benefactor was (I won't spoil it for ya'll, go read it).
It makes me sad a little in the end that he doesn't end up with Biddy, but I think it suits the story. It also serves as a good lesson. Don't let the good things (and people) in life pass you by because you think something (or someone) else is better. You are often blinded as to the true nature of that "better" thing (or person). It's important when you find a friend who will stand by you, to stand by them, even when your circumstances change.
I was disappointed that Pip never got to settle down and start a family, but I think that the ending was extremely suitable. It reminds me that while life doesn't always turn out perfectly...but if you can learn lessons along the way and be content with who you become, it's worth it.
Plus, I think it's worthy to note that all Pip's friends that stuck by him, were the one's who didn't come from money (Joe, Biddy, Herbert etc.) I think Dickens was trying to make a point there. Your real friends love you for you, and are the only ones who will stick by you when it counts.
Like it seemed obvious that Miss Havisham was Pip's benefactor, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. Pip thought that Miss Havisham had predestined him for Estella (I never really thought that, did anybody else?), when she really just wanted to break his simple little heart. I really would never have guessed who his benefactor was (I won't spoil it for ya'll, go read it).
It makes me sad a little in the end that he doesn't end up with Biddy, but I think it suits the story. It also serves as a good lesson. Don't let the good things (and people) in life pass you by because you think something (or someone) else is better. You are often blinded as to the true nature of that "better" thing (or person). It's important when you find a friend who will stand by you, to stand by them, even when your circumstances change.
I was disappointed that Pip never got to settle down and start a family, but I think that the ending was extremely suitable. It reminds me that while life doesn't always turn out perfectly...but if you can learn lessons along the way and be content with who you become, it's worth it.
Plus, I think it's worthy to note that all Pip's friends that stuck by him, were the one's who didn't come from money (Joe, Biddy, Herbert etc.) I think Dickens was trying to make a point there. Your real friends love you for you, and are the only ones who will stick by you when it counts.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Dating??
People (or at least teenagers) don't date anymore. Let me define "date" for you since nobody seems to understand the concept. By date, I'm not talking about a relationship. I'm talking about "You seem pretty cool. Let's go to coffee so I can get to know you." Nowadays with texting and Facebook stalking, people go straight from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend without that middle part.
I think it is because it has gotten to a point where dating has the connotation of a relationship. It used to just be a thing people who might possibly like each other did, and now it is associated with a deep seated desire of the other person. Plus it so rarely happens that it's a super big deal. I wish it could actually be commonplace. Then it wouldn't be so hard, and after going on a date, it wouldn't be a big deal to just decide to be friends. Because that is the POINT! To know what the other person is like and make that decision.
Most of the guys I know still ask girls out like Jr. Highers. They text them 24/7, then say something cryptic like "let's hang out." Do you want to hang out or do you want to go on a date? Be clear. Honestly, if a guy who I was sort of acquaintance buddies with came up to me and said "I think I might be attracted to you, Let's go get coffee/dinner/lunch/anything," I will probably say yes. Unless I absolutely can say there is no chance in heck that I could ever be attracted to him, or there is some danger in it, or it would upset one of my friends for some reason, I admire the courage it took to ask me, enough to at least give the poor guy a fair shot.
It's like high school is the middle ground of dating...we should be more mature in relationships than Jr. Highers, but we haven't quite reached an adult level. Valerie and I were talking about this very subject on Wednesday and it's irritating. I want to go back to those '90's sitcoms like Boy Meets World where Shaun could just ask a girl to Chubby's without that becoming a marriage proposal. I guess I'm defining "date" differently than a majority of my peers and that makes me sad.
Now, people could say "Sarah, why don't you make this change and ask people on dates?" Because I am a wimp. I don't have the kind of courage it would take to put myself out there. That's why I have a deep respect for a guy who can ask a girl on a date. Even if it's over text. Obviously, there's bonus points for having the balls to do it in person, but honestly, if you feel it...just do it.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal.
I think it is because it has gotten to a point where dating has the connotation of a relationship. It used to just be a thing people who might possibly like each other did, and now it is associated with a deep seated desire of the other person. Plus it so rarely happens that it's a super big deal. I wish it could actually be commonplace. Then it wouldn't be so hard, and after going on a date, it wouldn't be a big deal to just decide to be friends. Because that is the POINT! To know what the other person is like and make that decision.
Most of the guys I know still ask girls out like Jr. Highers. They text them 24/7, then say something cryptic like "let's hang out." Do you want to hang out or do you want to go on a date? Be clear. Honestly, if a guy who I was sort of acquaintance buddies with came up to me and said "I think I might be attracted to you, Let's go get coffee/dinner/lunch/anything," I will probably say yes. Unless I absolutely can say there is no chance in heck that I could ever be attracted to him, or there is some danger in it, or it would upset one of my friends for some reason, I admire the courage it took to ask me, enough to at least give the poor guy a fair shot.
It's like high school is the middle ground of dating...we should be more mature in relationships than Jr. Highers, but we haven't quite reached an adult level. Valerie and I were talking about this very subject on Wednesday and it's irritating. I want to go back to those '90's sitcoms like Boy Meets World where Shaun could just ask a girl to Chubby's without that becoming a marriage proposal. I guess I'm defining "date" differently than a majority of my peers and that makes me sad.
Now, people could say "Sarah, why don't you make this change and ask people on dates?" Because I am a wimp. I don't have the kind of courage it would take to put myself out there. That's why I have a deep respect for a guy who can ask a girl on a date. Even if it's over text. Obviously, there's bonus points for having the balls to do it in person, but honestly, if you feel it...just do it.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Classical Literature 101
For those of you who don't know, I am in the midst of trying to read some good old classical literature (For my complete reading list, click "Books To Read" in the header). So far I have waded my way through One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Great Gatsby, and am in the middle of Great Expectations.
So far I have realized one thing...classic literature makes absolutely no sense. All three of these "great" novels are all over the place. I can follow the stories. There's a bit of a language barrier at first, but once I get into the gist of it, I can follow along without a problem. And I understand that they are meant to symbolize other things, but it all seems very random and chaotic.
I really like Cuckoo's Nest though and the Great Gatsby was sort of awful to me. I'm excited to be plugging away because reading old books makes me feel smart and works my brain in a way that normal books just don't. Plus I love the feel of a musty old book from the 80's or earlier. It's completely fantastic. Even when I think the book is stupid because it has weird subplots or something, it is still stimulating me intellectually for whatever reason.
Today I bought a super old copy of Crime & Punishment, and mildly less old copies of Siddhartha and The Picture of Dorian Gray at Half Price Books with Val (I've never been there before and I loved it!). Plus she let me borrow a bunch of books, so I am excited to start reading!! If I have any fully formed thoughts about these things, I may or may not share depending on how good I feel.
If you're wondering, I'm having a super awesome week. I just feel good and even though I have a ton to do and this month is going to be crazy, I'm excited. I'm also super psyched about how many people are reading this blog because I mostly just was writing it for me. I feel a little pressure to be smart or something now because you all responded to my last blog, but hey I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it so I can not do my homework.
Also, I'm super stoked because I will be heading to Chicago/Indiana in two weeks from tomorrow and it's my first solo trip anywhere ever! And I will be getting to check out my top 2 schools (UChicago and Wheaton), so I'm just all around going nuts getting ready for this trip. And I have decided that I really love microeconomics, which is great since economics is my major. (Don't ask me why, everyone does, I don't know).
I'm rambling. I'm aware. Good night, my dears.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Apologetic Innocence
I've sat staring at this dang cursor blinking at me for at least 5 minutes trying to formulate my thoughts enough to start. All I can think of is how ridiculous this thought is:
I am ashamed to be innocent.
Have we as a society really gotten to a point where girls who keep their clothes ON are the ones who feel bad? Like something is wrong with us because we have a little self-respect and aren't just going to give ourselves to whomever? I realized today that I try to make excuses for myself, and I try to be something I'm not, to fit in. Ordinarily I wouldn't condone it at all, but on this matter, I have an innate desire to misrepresent myself.
Nothing bugs me more than when people think I'm "naive" or "goody two-shoes." So obviously I set out to prove them wrong and in doing so have let them take something I can never get back. Yet, I keep giving and giving, trying so hard to be just one in the crowd. Who the heck wants to be one in the crowd? This giving of myself doesn't come naturally because I'm not ready, and still, I find myself trying to pry my innocence off while it clings to me.
Why should I have to apologize for living a better life? What's wrong with not knowing everything they are talking about, or having experienced everything they have? I'll get to someday and it will be so much sweeter when the time is right. I'm not going to rush to grow up, and you can't make me feel bad for that.
So, no more apologizing, no more blending. I can be innocent if I want to and everyone can just deal with it. In 10 years, we'll see who made the right choice.
Monday, January 30, 2012
An Interesting Note on the Power of Prayer
The other day I was reading in my Wellness textbook a chapter about how Spirituality relates to health. In a small five-paragraph section about prayer, they mentioned that prayer benefits even those who do not know they are being prayed for. In a study, a group of people around the country prayed for 192 coronary care patients at a certain hospital, but didn't pray for 201 other people in the unit. No one knew they were being prayed for, but the patients that were prayed for had significantly fewer complications than those who weren't.
That's a lot to think about. Is there someone you should be praying for?
That's a lot to think about. Is there someone you should be praying for?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
And we begin...with some words.
Today, I was inspired to begin a blog. I want to start a blog that doesn't focus on the petty things I tend to find myself drawn to, but one where I can honestly pontificate to myself and I suppose others if anyone reads it. This is my senior year of high school and is proving itself to be very stressful. Who knew it would be so hard to pick where I will spend some of the most formative years of my life? Therefore, I will probably use this to keep you all up to date on my latest thoughts and shenanigans regarding the future, but also I think I would like to post little random thoughts I have about society, God, and the ideas I am learning about (plus I'm sure this will prove itself an excellent procrastinating tool...in fact, it already is, but Statistics homework can wait).
Tonight at youth group the message was all about words. The influence that other people's words have on you and the influence your words have on others. I realized through the sermon that other people's words don't affect me in the long term. I remember instances where I have been upset by something somebody has said, but when asked to present the worst thing anyone has said about me, I drew a blank. I'm going to take this as a good thing, that negative comments seem to mostly bounce off me, although I am positive I haven't received the verbal abuse many others have. What I'm trying to get at though is that, words don't really affect me and I've really never thought about how my words affect others. With this thought in mind, I aim to pay much more attention to the words I use this week.
Words are such a funny thing. So small and easy to use, yet so powerful. The idea that someone can change my mood, or the tone of my day or week with a little movement of their teeth and tongues is weird. I guess I've always aimed to not let people influence me, I largely believe in my own ability to make my own day. I have the power to be positive and it's strange to me when I realize that not everyone thinks that way. Most of my friends don't think that way. The idea that I can set the tone for somebody else throws me for a loop every single time. People are so dang complicated.
Welcome to my journey of figuring that out.
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