The title kind of rhymes if you read it right (with each number separately). I worked on it a long time (not really!) and I wanted you to notice. Also, this is going to be a long one, so brace yourselves.
If an hour ago, you had asked what sort of year 2012 has been, I would have said "pretty good." But after reliving the year's memories over my twitter feed, I can confidently say that this is by far the best year of my life (as of yet, fingers crossed for even better things to come!). That's not to say that this year didn't have it downs. This year probably holds my deepest valleys (hardest struggles, biggest hurdles etc.), but it also holds the most growth and the sweetest memories.
So much has happened: I finally went through puberty (Yay boobs!), I had the best summer ever, People came into my life, People left my life, I was surprised right and left by the complexity of all my friendships, I moved out, I started a new life, I figured out how to express myself and most of all, I didn't die.
Looking back on my first blog post (It was in January, how perfect) it feels so far away. I was struggling with what college to go to, and had been struck with the realization of how my words affect people. While I haven't exactly mastered it yet, I've definitely grown a lot in the way I relate with others. As in, I can actually relate with others now. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos I found my emotions. We have a kind of love/hate relationship, but I guess I see why they're important. (sometimes)
This was my best summer ever. I've developed quite the sense of adventure thanks to some of my friends (cough Val, Rover cough). Like yea, I could just sit on the couch and we could have fun and watch a movie....or we could go get pulled over trying to buy ice cream, or go hiking in the dark or go kiss a stranger in the mall. The important thing is to go and try to do something. You don't always succeed, but who the heck cares? You had an adventure and often that's even better than accomplishing your goal.
I probably spent most of my summer with my church. Jr. High camp where I got to be a co-counselor with one of my greatest friends and heterosexual life partner (HLP), Aaryn...we were awesome together and shared some amazing conversations with our cabin (who was full of pretty cool girls btws). We told an awful lot of fibs about the bugs in our cabin, allegedly kidnapped a full grown man, were punished with whipped cream in the face (quite possibly the worst thing I have ever experienced, you don't understand), were hunted by Jr. Highers and got to share some of our "wisdom" with our cabin. The best gem was when we were talking about friendship and Aaryn said "A friend is someone who is willing to jump any hurdle for you." This year I jumped a lot of hurdles, and watched my friends do the same for me.
There were days of playing Frisbee, watching Joe and Martin quote Psych for hours straight, downtown Tacoma with Aaryn, chilling with Jenn, Taylor, Emily and Val and oh yea, I worked too. And then there was Voyage...60 high school students, 3 boats, and an awful lot of free time and sunshine. I watched my youth pastors do/say the funniest things (story time and raps, you guys are the best), I learned speed uno, there was the guy that crashed our worship service with his Eminem, about a million games of Settlers and so much talking. I have to be honest, I was a little bummed when I first learned that we wouldn't be going to CIY for my senior year, but I can't imagine anything better than the time I spent on those boats. T.H.E. B.E.S.T.
But this summer, I also found out that sometimes people are brought into your life, but they aren't always meant to stay. Sometimes they have to move geographically and sometimes you just need to let them go. God definitely brought some people into my life this year, and then within a few months it was time to say good bye. Either they were leaving or I was, and I had some really terrible good byes. My best friend of 4 years was leaving me for Minnesota. My favorite interns were headed back to Missouri. Everyone I knew was scattering, myself included. Some ties just needed to be cut. They were a constant source of pain, but I wasn't ready to let go, then at some point I just had to. I couldn't handle it anymore. I guess that's what growing up is like. All summers must come to an end.
I couldn't be happier than I am at UW. My classy roommate (Claire-Bear) and Poplar 4 fam (You know who you are) have really made the transition so much better than I could have hoped. I love how much I have to think. It's been a long time since my brain has had to work like that and it's completely refreshing. I've never struggled to still feel dumb before, but I'm so thankful to be learning alongside all the gifted, intelligent people I find myself in contact with on a daily basis. Do you know what it's like to come to a class where everyone has done the reading and is prepared to discuss?? Neither had I until I came to UW. There is so much exploring and so much fun to be had in the city. I love that place so freaking much. So many memories already made with many more to come! (Shout out to the Ave House boys for being the best ever. :))
One of my biggest struggles this year has been seeing how relationships change. How you view someone, may not always be how they view you...and when their view of you changes, it can send your whole world spinning. I guess it's important to remember that things aren't always as they seem. I find myself more confused by people than ever before. You think a person is one way and your relationship is one way and then they surprise you. Every time. I will never cease to be astonished at how complex people are. Everyone has so many sides, so many unique struggles and problems that I can't possibly imagine. Blows my mind every time....
Anyways, looking ahead to 2013!
I'm not making resolutions. I'm just not. (Ok maybe these are kind of resolutions, but they're broad so I'm not counting it. If you don't like it, you can sue me.)
I want to make the most of this year. This year should be about stretching and doing scary things and getting out of the teeny tiny box that is my comfort zone. It's about learning and understanding and doing. It's about being me. Even when that is the scariest thing I've ever done. I want to be more honest this year and more up front. No more compromising myself. Not for anyone.
I love you guys. Thanks for the awesome year. Can't wait to see you all in 2013!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Well hello...again.
After a long 2-month absence from this blog, I am back. I was thinking about why I haven't blogged whilst at school and I was thinking of exactly why I haven't....Lack of time? Yea, but no, I've been busy, but not that busy. Did I die? Almost. What I really think it comes down to though, is the fact that I don't have a car at school. I always have come up with my best ideas for blogs and videos while driving, and now that I never drive, I seriously lack inspiration. But the good news is, I'm back for winter break...license and all.
My first semester at college while seemingly uneventful, taught me a whole lot of things:
1. Being an adult is a lot of a work:
I'm responsible for making sure my tuition gets paid, that speeding tickets from the summer get taken care of (oops), that my work tells the union that I stopped working in September (double oops)...and that's just the beginning. I've taken on a whole list of household tasks. Some I expected: I was already doing my laundry, I knew I'd have dishes, I knew I'd have to vacuum and dust. What I didn't count on was vacuuming at least once a week, the problems with plumbing when 2 girls are losing all their hair (more on hair loss later), and how much I don't have the things I need to cook a meal.
The plumbing story is a good one. Our sink drain was getting really gross. The stopper was surrounded by a gross mass of hair, food particles and miscellaneous other things that would no longer go down the clogged sink. One day I couldn't take it anymore, so I googled how to remove the plug and crawled under the sink to do so. I cleaned everything out that I could reach (It was soooo gross, luckily I was just getting over a cold and I couldn't smell it. But it was really gross...like I almost puked gross. And I have done a lot of gross things in my time with horses, so it was really bad.). So I got it cleaned and figured that I was good. Then, in the process of messing with the sink, I thought it was leaking, so we called an emergency work order and I cleared everything out....turns out, I'm just a little stupid. You know that hole sometimes in the front top part of a porcelain sink? Yea, water had just splashed out of that and ran down the pipe. Oops. Well at least our sink wasn't leaking!
2. College is stressful:
I like stress. I always have. But I was not prepared for the strain that I would undergo this quarter. I'm actually losing my hair now. Every time I shower, I pull out chunks of hair and I don't know why. It's never happened before and it's freaking me out. The first half the quarter I was doing really well. I was balancing everything: schoolwork, adventures, working out, hanging out. And then it caught up with me. I wasn't getting enough sleep, the work was getting harder and I just wasn't prepared. Midterms kind of stretched themselves from mid-quarter all the way up to finals week, so that was fun. But I made it! And I never have to take calculus again!!! So I'm good now. Ready for next quarter!
3. Keep an Open Mind
You never know where you are going to end up wanting to go. Majors change, post graduation plans change and you have to be ready to roll with punches. I'd hate to close a door now, assuming I won't want to go through it, and then fast forward to a place where all I want is to go through that door I closed for myself. It's about keeping an open mind for the places you can go.
It's also about the people you meet. Moving to such a big city, I've met a lot of different people who I never got the opportunity to meet back at home. And it's awesome. The variety I get to have in my group of friends is amazing. I'm honestly really excited about it. Which is funny, because I'm not really a people person. I don't know, it's just been pretty cool putting myself in new situations and seeing if I can handle them like an adult. And it's ok to mess up, because everyone does and college is a great place to figure things out.
No one knows where I come from. No one knows my family, no one knows my background and it's refreshing, but it's also a little exhausting. Having to represent yourself to each and every person kind of means you have to know who you are and what representing you looks like. It's like a crash course in being yourself. What you get to show other people is like a sleek, streamlined edition of you. They don't have to know all of the baggage that went into getting you where you are today, all they see is the (semi) finished product.
And that's strange.
My first semester at college while seemingly uneventful, taught me a whole lot of things:
1. Being an adult is a lot of a work:
I'm responsible for making sure my tuition gets paid, that speeding tickets from the summer get taken care of (oops), that my work tells the union that I stopped working in September (double oops)...and that's just the beginning. I've taken on a whole list of household tasks. Some I expected: I was already doing my laundry, I knew I'd have dishes, I knew I'd have to vacuum and dust. What I didn't count on was vacuuming at least once a week, the problems with plumbing when 2 girls are losing all their hair (more on hair loss later), and how much I don't have the things I need to cook a meal.
The plumbing story is a good one. Our sink drain was getting really gross. The stopper was surrounded by a gross mass of hair, food particles and miscellaneous other things that would no longer go down the clogged sink. One day I couldn't take it anymore, so I googled how to remove the plug and crawled under the sink to do so. I cleaned everything out that I could reach (It was soooo gross, luckily I was just getting over a cold and I couldn't smell it. But it was really gross...like I almost puked gross. And I have done a lot of gross things in my time with horses, so it was really bad.). So I got it cleaned and figured that I was good. Then, in the process of messing with the sink, I thought it was leaking, so we called an emergency work order and I cleared everything out....turns out, I'm just a little stupid. You know that hole sometimes in the front top part of a porcelain sink? Yea, water had just splashed out of that and ran down the pipe. Oops. Well at least our sink wasn't leaking!
2. College is stressful:
I like stress. I always have. But I was not prepared for the strain that I would undergo this quarter. I'm actually losing my hair now. Every time I shower, I pull out chunks of hair and I don't know why. It's never happened before and it's freaking me out. The first half the quarter I was doing really well. I was balancing everything: schoolwork, adventures, working out, hanging out. And then it caught up with me. I wasn't getting enough sleep, the work was getting harder and I just wasn't prepared. Midterms kind of stretched themselves from mid-quarter all the way up to finals week, so that was fun. But I made it! And I never have to take calculus again!!! So I'm good now. Ready for next quarter!
3. Keep an Open Mind
You never know where you are going to end up wanting to go. Majors change, post graduation plans change and you have to be ready to roll with punches. I'd hate to close a door now, assuming I won't want to go through it, and then fast forward to a place where all I want is to go through that door I closed for myself. It's about keeping an open mind for the places you can go.
It's also about the people you meet. Moving to such a big city, I've met a lot of different people who I never got the opportunity to meet back at home. And it's awesome. The variety I get to have in my group of friends is amazing. I'm honestly really excited about it. Which is funny, because I'm not really a people person. I don't know, it's just been pretty cool putting myself in new situations and seeing if I can handle them like an adult. And it's ok to mess up, because everyone does and college is a great place to figure things out.
No one knows where I come from. No one knows my family, no one knows my background and it's refreshing, but it's also a little exhausting. Having to represent yourself to each and every person kind of means you have to know who you are and what representing you looks like. It's like a crash course in being yourself. What you get to show other people is like a sleek, streamlined edition of you. They don't have to know all of the baggage that went into getting you where you are today, all they see is the (semi) finished product.
And that's strange.
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