Opportunity Cost - I should think less.

In accounting, there is this thing called opportunity cost. Basically, it is a measure of the benefits you give up by choosing to take a certain path. The benefits of the path you choose should (hopefully!) outweigh the opportunity cost that you had to give up.

This concept applies to pretty much every choice in life. Do I get a salad or a burger? If I get a burger, I give up the health benefits of that salad. If I get a salad, I give up the enjoyment of that burger...and I would definitely enjoy that burger. These choices seemed somewhat trivial growing up. I chose T-ball over ballet and then I chose horses over baseball. I guess those choices did have a last impact, but they were so much easier to make because I didn't think about it. I liked baseball better, so I chose it. I didn't think about how I would meet people in baseball and not get to meet people I would have met in ballet. I didn't think about how much more flexible and coordinated adult me might be if I had stuck with ballet instead. I just picked.

I wish it were still that easy, but the stakes feel higher.
I'm doing a mission's trip in Ireland this summer:
Benefits:
- I get to go to Ireland.
- God is going to work. I know it.
- I'm going to meet such cool people and build such unique relationships.
- SO MUCH ADVENTURE
- I get to go to Ireland and the adventure is calling my name. (These deserved two bullets)
Less: Opportunity Cost:
- I will get to spend literally a week with most of my friends and my brother.
- I'm missing an extended family camping trip with cousins I haven't seen in a long time.
- I was going to buy a car and work.

Both the benefits and costs have lasting effects on my life. There's a lot of pressure when we make choices these days. For me, I know God wants me in Ireland. I don't know why, but he does. Hopefully he'll let me in on it someday, but for now I rest pretty easy. When I start to stress about decisions I've made I just remember why I made them and I'm usually okay with it. I've found that for the most part, everything will work out in the end. That doesn't mean you should go try meth. I can't promise that's going to work out well for you.

I've just found that I make decisions much more complicated than they are. I should think less.

The future is coming...someday.

I've never really been someone with passion. I'm pretty calm externally. I'm more of a thinker than a doer. I've never been swept up by the idea that I could change the world. Maybe that's a confidence thing, like other people can make a difference, but nothing I do could ever make a big enough impact to change things. To me, the world has always just felt like a huge tide. It's destroying life as we know it, but we're all swept up and no one can really stop it. The politics in this country are gridlocked by bipartisan hatred, the corporate world is a mess, priorities are skewed, the things I've trusted in the church have been revealed as only slightly more reliable than the rest of the world. I guess in the end we're all people and people make no sense to me. To me there's no changing it.

So I became an accounting major. I enjoy accounting. I'm pretty good at it. It's black and white. That's pretty much enough, right? I can be an ethical accountant in the evil world of business. That would be enough. I don't need anything bigger. I'm just trying to live my life. My job is not my identity. I just want a job. Other people can be passionate about things...Good for them.

Research shows that above a subsistence level, higher income has no correlation with happiness. Things outside your wage make you happy. I already knew that, but thinking about it does beg the question...is accounting fulfilling enough? I kind of figured that since I liked it well enough and it would provide a good livelihood, that would be enough for my life. I could find fulfillment in other places. I wanted to be able to do cool things and travel and not worry, but I guess those things aren't enough to make someone happy. They won't keep your marriage together or force your kids to listen to you.

What I find myself asking is, "Is it enough to go work each day for a company whose sole purpose is to turn a profit?" Can I really spend my whole life helping the rich keep track of their money and maximize their profits? Maybe it's just the finals week crisis talking, but I feel completely disillusioned with the world of business and money.
Everyone I meet in business school seems to have the same motive, and I don't share it. Their life goals and mindsets aren't the same as mine so why are we pursuing the same track?

Why am I pursuing business?
I guess I started into business with two things in mind. Business is full of people with a less than powerful moral compass...obviously I'm generalizing here, but I figured I could be one of the good ones.
I could also be one of a minority of women in the big business-corporate world.
But I already work in a place where people aren't that excited about their job, and I go to school with people who think predominantly about themselves....and I don't like it.

I realized that it's really easy for me to go through life and be passionate about absolutely nothing. I know my job doesn't have to provide that passion, but why shouldn't it? Why can't I work at a place where people care about other people? Why did I even want to start working in big business? I don't want to spend my life crunching numbers simply to find out how to make those numbers bigger or smaller. I want to crunch numbers because they're actually important.

I'm not leaving business because I actually do like it. But given the opportunity to choose between a career at a big accounting firm and a small start-up with a big vision...I'm picking the start-up hands down.

That's definitely not something I was planning on when entering business...I don't even know what is happening to me today. Have you ever just woken up and been completely dissatisfied with your own view of the world?

That's today.

I just want to do things that help people. I just want to change the world.